Food for Thought

by Eric Hamilton

I must say that I would not be at all displeased if Joe Biden (America’s favorite ‘goofy uncle’) is our president a little over a year from now. However, if the Democrats don’t want to nominate Biden, the country could do far, far worse than Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar…America’s ‘goofy aunt’.
Of course, calling Klobuchar a ‘goofy aunt’ might, in some ways, be misleading. She might actually be the most qualified and impressive 2020 presidential candidate. (The Republican candidate, Bill Weld, is also quite impressive, but his chances of winning the 2020 GOP nomination are not quite as good as Yadier Molina’s chances of stealing 130 bases next year. But I digress.)
Amy Klobuchar is one of this country’s most talented and hardest-working senators. For instance, by the end of the 114th Congress in 2016, Klobuchar had passed more legislation than any other senator. In 2017, she had an approval rating of 72% in her home state. She has never lost an election at any point in her political career.
Yet she IS sort of a ‘goofy aunt figure’.
Allegedly, while on an airplane flight in 2008, Senator Klobuchar ate a salad with a comb from her handbag because there were no utensils handy (NBC News reported this as a major scandal, by the way). On another occasion, she filled a bowl with ‘soup’ at a Senate banquet and was about to chow down when one of her colleagues pointed out to her that she had filled her bowl, not with soup, but with Thousand Island Dressing!
At long last, madam, do you feel no shame?
Worst of all, Ms. Klobuchar has publicly admitted that she is a scourge on our fine feathered friends. This cloud has a silver lining, though.
Nearly every president plays golf, and of course this is always a disgrace. ‘How DARE he?’ members of the opposing party invariably shriek when any president is seen teeing up a golf-ball. However, if Amy Klobuchar is our 46th president, she will never be seen on the golf-course, due to the fact that, one of the only times that she has attempted to play, her shot went awry and killed a duck.
It is at this point that I envision Elmer Fudd saying to Daffy, ‘Sowwy I had to pwug you, Mista Duck, but I’m a spoatsman—a gweat, gweat spoatsman.’
Senator Klobuchar, on the other hand, phrased the situation a bit differently than Elmer. ‘It appeared to perish,’ she said of the duck.
Even if it didn’t perish, I suspect that, the next day, that duck was not feeling up to par.
Also, I’m not well-versed in golf terminology—but did this count as a birdie?
Alright. Enough. By choosing to focus on these silly things, I’m falling into a trap—a trap into which the media, itself, has fallen.
There is, indeed, a bias in the mainstream media—not always a liberal bias, exactly; rather, a bias against moderation and toward sensationalism.
Amy Klobuchar is a rather quiet, hardworking moderate. This makes her uninteresting to the country’s news outlets (and the fact that she is a Midwesterner also doesn’t help). News outlets are now just another aspect of the entertainment business, after all, and substance is not entertaining.
Extremism is entertaining. Wild behavior, extravagant promises, vicious personal attacks, and ridiculous gaffes are what we all want to see. If a presidential campaign could be combined with America’s Funniest Home Videos, so that we saw a candidate in a playground get whacked in the groin by a rising teeter-totter while making a speech, the media would love this.
Even if reporters loathe him, Donald Trump is ‘media catnip’. So is Senator Bernie Sanders, as he goes through life shouting at everyone and reminding me of the abominable snowman—the ‘bumble’—from the old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer cartoon. Yet Amy Klobuchar can’t even get the late-night comics to mention her in their monologues! ‘Comb-gate’ and ‘Duck-gate’ have thus far been two of the biggest splashes in her presidential campaign. And this, I think, is a tragedy.
If politics had never become like ‘reality TV’, then the campaign of 2020’s most qualified presidential candidate might not be ‘appearing to perish’.